From: chrisj@dircon.co.uk (Christine Johnston)
Newsgroups: rec.autos.sport.f1
Subject: Secret Diary of Jacques Villeneuve - Austria
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 1997 22:52:58 +0000
Organization: Dircon
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Thursday, 18 September
A way important weekend so I've done my roots again to look my best.
How does Michael expect to be taken seriously when he never changes his
hair colour?  But then he has Eddie and Ralf to help him whilst I only
have HHF.  That means he's got one more helper than me.

An extra 2 hour session scheduled for today and for sure it looks like
Bridgestone have the upper hand.  But so long as Michael isn't on
Bridgestones then Damon can top the times all he likes.  After all, it
looks like he's out of a drive next year.  Meanwhile HHF has not taken
to being made my No 2 very well.  He keeps insisting I have compromising
photos of Frank and Patrick.  When the session was over he walked back
to the motorhome with me and kept tugging my sleeve and saying 'Is the
wheelchair an insurance scam and you have pictures of Frank walking?'
The guy just doesn't seem to realise that he's second rate compared to
me.

Friday, 19 September 
Damon is getting 15 million dollars from Jordan.  Alesi is getting 10
million dollars from Sauber.  Frank has yet to finalise my paperwork.
Its not that I'm worried or anything, oh no.  Craig says he has it all
in hand and will once again meet with Frank as soon as he visits the
Graz Bierstube to remove some image exploitation.  

In order to fully dominate Michael in the race I came up with some novel
ideas on set up and proceeded to explain them to Patrick.  Obviously
Patrick had something else on his mind as he proceeded to start
screaming at me for no reason.  Not to be outdone I decided to scream
back as it seemed like the thing to do to calm him down.  Much surprised
was I to hear that the whole pit lane was talking about us having a
screaming match over set up when it is well known Patrick is a great
admirer of my little innovations.  He's just ill, that's all.  Stress.

Saturday, 20 September
Pedro Diniz at the top of the times?  When is somebody other than me
going to realise that that Arrows car is illegal?  As I've often said,
that guy shouldn't be allowed on the same circuit as me.  Power Horse
Kurve and Power Horse as a sponsor?  I smell a rat.

For sure its nice to be on pole again.  'First time since Silverstone'
Patrick muttered in glee but I think he ought to see his dentist about
that unconscious teeth grinding.  And I know I have Michael on the run
now as he was outqualified by Eddie.  This is good news for me but
probably not for the people in front of Eddie on the grid as he takes
them off to make room for Michael.  But I don't think he can reach me
from 8th.  I went to the press room to be feted for my fine performance
but all the hacks just kept talking about jets, Honda, Benson & Hedges,
15 million dollars and will Eddie Jordan learn the tune to Pretty
Vacant.  Speaking of pretty vacant, Hakkinen was beside me looking
confident for the race but doesn't he know he's doomed never to win?
That hex cost me a good 20 bucks in South America.

Sunday, 21 September
Another fine race win by me in my usual dominating style.  For sure my
start may not have been all that it might but Michael getting a 10s
stop-go really makes up for everything.  Though.... that couldn't have
been Damon actually *letting* him through, could it?  I mean, he
wouldn't do that to me and Williams, would he?  I've always been fairly
nice to him.  Most of the time.  And now its down to one point and next
stop Germany.  It usually rains there this time of year so yet again
I'll have another chance to show the world my most excellent wet weather
driving skills. 

Patrick was totting up the constructors points and making contented
noises as I put the trophy in the motorhome.  I think now I'll go and
buy Jean a drink for trying to knock Eddie's head off.


For Jacques entire back catalogue go to...
http://www.users.dircon.co.uk/~mbyrne/